Man-Made Cherry Pie
This cherry pie is a straight-up brawler, built for men who don’t mess around. Packed with 6 cups of tart Montmorency cherries—half sliced, half quartered—for a chunky, in-your-face texture, this beast delivers a bold, tangy punch wrapped in a flaky, buttery lattice crust. The juices are reduced to a thick, syrupy glaze that locks in flavor like a vise grip. No soggy nonsense here—just pure, rugged goodness. Perfect for poker nights or backyard BBQs, this pie pairs with a cold IPA or a shot of rye. Slice it, serve it, and own the table.
The 9” pie serves 8 and has a lattice crust, no fluff. Let’s forge this thing.
2 Man-Made pie crusts (9-inch, bottom and top)—tough enough to hold this beast, or go buy a frozen crust if you’re not a warrior
1 egg, beaten, mixed with a splash of milk—for a golden, battle-ready shine to brush onto the top lattice
Topping
1 egg, beaten—your glaze, own it
1 tbsp (15ml) milk—mixes with the egg for a golden crust
1 tbsp (12g) coarse sugar (optional, for some swagger on top)
Cherry Pie Recipe
Cherry Filling Ingredients:
• 6 cups (about 2 lbs or 900g) pitted tart cherries (fresh or frozen; if frozen, thaw and drain)—Montmorency for that tart gut-punch
• ¾ cup (150g) granulated sugar—sweet but not soft
• 3 tbsp (22g) cornstarch—locks in the thickness
• 2 tbsp (30ml) lemon juice—sharp like a blade
• 1 tsp vanilla extract—smooths it like a good bourbon
• ½ tsp ground cinnamon—adds some backbone
• ⅛ tsp almond extract (optional)—nutty depth, don’t overdo it
• 1 tbsp (15g) unsalted butter, cut into bits—for extra heft
The Arsenal
9-inch pie dish—your proving ground
Rolling pin—swing it like a hammer
Sharp knife—precision cuts only
Big mixing bowl—no weak stuff
Pastry brush—paint like a pro
Small saucepan—for reducing juices
Fine mesh strainer (optional)—for clean juice
The Battle Plan
Forge two Man-Made Cheddar Crusts:
1. Grab a big bowl, toss in flour, sugar, and salt. Mix it like you’re shaking hands—firm and quick.
2. Throw in lard and cold butter chunks. Use a pastry cutter or your bare hands to smash it together until it’s coarse, with butter bits the size of peas. Don’t overthink it—keep it rough.
3. Drip in ice water, 1 tbsp at a time, stirring with a fork. Stop when the dough holds when you squeeze it. Too much water’s for rookies.
4. Split into two discs (one bigger for the bottom). Wrap in plastic and chuck in the fridge for at least 1 hour, or up to 2 days. Let it rest while you prep the filling.
Build the Cherry Filling
Prep the Cherry Filling
1. Pit those cherries if fresh (or use thawed, drained frozen ones). Take a sharp knife and slice every cherry in half—clean cuts, no smashing. Then, take half of those halved cherries (about 3 cups) and quarter them. You’ll end up with 3 cups halved cherries and 3 cups quartered cherries for a mix of big bites and smaller bursts.
2. Toss all the cherries (halved and quartered) in a big bowl with lemon juice and vanilla to keep it sharp.
3. Add sugar, cinnamon, and almond extract (if using). Stir like you’re mixing concrete—everything coated. Let sit for 15 minutes to release the juices.
Reduce the Juices
1. Strain the cherries over a bowl to collect the juice—expect about ½–¾ cup. Keep the cherries aside.
2. Pour the juice into a small saucepan. Heat on medium and simmer until reduced by half (to about ¼–⅓ cup), about 5–7 minutes. It should be syrupy, like a good glaze.
3. Mix cornstarch with 1 tbsp cold water to make a slurry. Stir into the reduced juice and cook for 1–2 minutes until thickened. Cool slightly.
4. Toss the thickened juice back with the cherries (halved and quartered mix), stirring to coat evenly.
Assemble the Beast
1. Preheat oven to 400°F (200°C). Throw a baking sheet in to heat up—keeps the bottom crisp.
2. On a floured surface, roll the bigger dough disc to a 12-inch circle, about ⅛-inch thick. Transfer to the pie dish, pressing it down. Trim to a ½-inch overhang.
3. Spoon the cherry filling (halves and quarters) into the crust, mounding slightly. Pour any remaining reduced juice over the top. Dot with butter bits for extra muscle.
4. Roll the second disc to a 10-inch circle. Slice into ¾-inch strips with a knife—sharp and clean.
5. Lay 5–6 strips over the pie. Fold every other strip back, lay a strip across, and unfold. Repeat to weave a lattice like you’re building a damn barricade. Trim lattice ends to match the bottom crust, fold edges under, and crimp like you’re sealing a vault.
Bake Like a Boss
1. Mix egg and milk for the wash. Brush over the lattice and edges like you’re detailing a truck. Sprinkle coarse sugar for some grit if you want.
2. Set the pie on the hot baking sheet. Bake at 400°F for 20 minutes, then drop to 375°F (190°C) for 40–50 minutes, until the crust is golden and the filling bubbles. Cover edges with foil if they brown too fast.
3. Cool on a rack for at least 2 hours. Cutting early’s for quitters—let it set.
Why cut the Cherries
• Texture: Halved cherries give meaty, juicy bites, while quartered ones break down more, creating a varied mouthfeel that’s rugged yet refined.
• Flavor Release: Quartering half the cherries increases surface area, letting more juice mingle with the spices and reduced syrup for a bolder hit.
• Look: The mix of halves and quarters makes the filling look chunky and purposeful through the lattice—like you meant business.
Pro Moves
• Cherries: Stick with tart for that sharp edge.
• Juice Reduction: This step keeps the pie from being a soggy mess, especially with quartered cherries releasing more juice. Don’t skip the cornstarch slurry.
• Storage: Pie’s good at room temp for 1 day, or fridge for 4 days. Reheat slices at 325°F for 10 minutes to crisp the crust.
• Serving: Pair with a dark ale or a shot of rye whiskey. Vanilla ice cream’s fine, but this pie’s tough enough solo.